Alien Sideboob

John Birmingham
The column they wouldn't let me write for you.
Created 17 Apr 2020
  • Are we there yet?
    08 Apr 2022 19 15
    Share We are all waiting on this man. We are always waiting on this man. There is a too taut, apprehensive ill temper to everything as we tarry at his convenience. His own satraps and collaborators se...
  • The nihilist.
    01 Apr 2022 51 21
    Share Perhaps by the time you read this, Scott Morrison will have taken a drive out to Yarralumla. He’s had his Zelensky moment in Parliament, pissed away billions of dollars in budget bribes, and he ...
  • The joy of waiting.
    25 Mar 2022 65 51
    A personal note this week. I could feel myself spiralling into a pretty dark place the more time I spent studying the war in Ukraine. Before I became a writer, my degree and my early work were both in...
  • Escalation is coming.
    18 Mar 2022 35 20
    The war in Ukraine is already medieval in its brutish cruelty and singular provenance. Vladimir Putin’s villainy could almost be Shakespearean, were his motivations more complex and his character even...
  • Blaming everything on rainbow bullies.
    11 Mar 2022 33 8
    Share In 1943, Wild Bill Donovan, director of the Office of Strategic Services, forerunner to the CIA, commissioned a psychologist, Walter C. Langer to write a profile of Adolf Hitler. Langer produced...
  • Quantity has a quality all of its own.
    03 Mar 2022 75 25
    Share Spoiler alert. Darkness ahead. There is only one way this ends well, with some Russian Army guy or FSB hood putting a bullet into Vladimir Putin’s brain, before Putin knows what’s happening. It ...
  • The return of the strong
    24 Feb 2022 32 5
    Share Sorry, folks. It’s thinky time. Originally I had intended to write to you today, explaining why I thought a lot of people were needlessly confused by Vladimir Putin. This confusion expressed its...
  • Agent SloMo.
    18 Feb 2022 27 8
    At the end of his government, in the federal election of March 1983, Malcolm Fraser was so desperate to land a blow on the surging campaign of Opposition Leader Bob Hawke that he tried to fire up all ...
  • Tough week to be a bigot.
    11 Feb 2022 39 14
    Even tougher week for those who routinely find themselves on the wet end of the hot geyser of hatespew vomiting from the head holes of bigots. Tough week, too, if you’re the sort of Hufflepuff hall mo...
  • Nude Victor Hugo is here to help with your sick self-loathing and procrastination.
    07 Feb 2022 90 20
    Nude Victor Hugo knew something a lot of fully dressed authors never work out; when you strip everything away, like literally everything, underpants included, there’s not much left to distract you fro...
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