Alien Sideboob

John Birmingham
The column they wouldn't let me write for you.
Created 17 Apr 2020
  • Dear Prudence...
    21 Oct 2021 • 3 min read • 49 16
    So said one of the 21st century's greatest thinkers. Me. Prudence. I believe my lifelong fascination with my own ever-so-smart opinions began when I wondered why I was so much smarter than everyone I ...
  • You are my favourites.
    19 Oct 2021 • 1 min read • 249 134
    Hi everyone. No long essays or sweary rants this arvo. I just wanted to ask you a simple question about last week’s facebook essay. Should I do more stuff like that? Now, before you answer, assuming y...
  • Kill all you see.
    15 Oct 2021 • 10 min read • 40 12
    Atham-Lebbe Farsith, a waiter in a one-room curry house in Ampara did not understand why the customer was So Fucking Angry. All of the customers were angry. The man at the counter was waving his plate...
  • Waaaait for it...
    08 Oct 2021 • < 1 min read • 7 3
    There'll be a delay in ASB cos I thought I'd write a nice ranty column about Facebook, but it turned into an essay, and may yet become a thesis once I've got my through my reading stack. Could be Mond...
  • The Return of the Orange God King
    01 Oct 2021 • 4 min read • 16 11
    There’s an eight hundred pound gorilla sitting in the corner of the room where Scott Morrison cut his nuclear submarine deal. It’s an orange gorilla in a wig. The wig cost US $60 000 and it looks like...
  • Scott Morrison. Bad Boyfriend.
    24 Sep 2021 • 3 min read • 24 13
    France, we’re sorry. But you need to take some responsibility for this break up. Sure, when you first got together over champagne and submarine contracts, Scotty seemed like the best guy in the world ...
  • Bit dodgy innit wot, Phil?
    17 Sep 2021 45 18
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  • Masters of a universe of bullsh!t
    10 Sep 2021 • 2 min read • 15 6
    Share Rupert Murdoch loves making money. Rupert Murdoch hates paying tax. That’s all you need to know if you’re trying to unpack those reports that the Murdoch Death Star plans to stop cooking the Ear...
  • Bring out your dead.
    03 Sep 2021 • 4 min read • 32 28
    Share If you’re looking to get a bet on to pick the date of the next federal election, put your money on it being earlier rather than later. Because nothing sours a politician’s chances like killing b...
  • SloMo's share house.
    27 Aug 2021 • 5 min read • 27 8
    Share Michael Rowland @mjrowland68 In light of @JoshFrydenberg moving into The Lodge with @ScottMorrisonMP to ride out the ACT lockdown, we want to hear your flatmate stories. Good and bad... @Breakfa...
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