Amy’s Newsletter

Amy Culberg
Commentary and Humor on Life From One Woman's Opinion
Created 28 Apr 2021
  • The Vagina Doctor Doesn't Remember My Face
    23 Sep 2021 • 3 min read • 2 0
    Photo by Viktoria Slowikowska from Pexels I love my vagina doctor. She made it possible for me to make a baby, but she never remembers my face. My vagina, on the other hand? She could talk to it all d...
  • Replace Guns with Shoes
    15 Sep 2021 • 2 min read • 1 0
    My son told me he would like to live in a safer world. My editor-in-chief told me she would like me to write something about shoes. Holy shit Batman, I thought, let’s multi-task the shit out of those ...
  • My Husband Is Conspiring With Siri
    09 Sep 2021 • 1 min read • 1 0
    Even though Siri has a South African accent and I have a Midwestern American accent, we understand each other. I ask her for a joke. I get a joke. I ask her about the weather, where to buy tacos at 2 ...
  • Tell Me About Your Ex-Husband
    08 Sep 2021 • 2 min read • 1 0
    I’m thinking about getting a divorce so people can ask me about my ex-husband all the time. I’m so jealous of those lucky bastards who are always getting interviewed about their exes at dinner parties...
  • Revenge of the Chickens
    04 Sep 2021 • 1 min read • 3 0
    “big beautiful chicken!” by nicknormal is licensed under CC BY-NC-ND 2.0 I don’t know about the rest of the country, but a Popeye’s chicken sandwich can get you killed in Chicago. That makes me want t...
  • Horse Dewormer For All Ding Dongs
    02 Sep 2021 • 1 min read • 2 0
    When Hamilton sang, “I’m not gonna waste my shot,” he wasn’t talking to the millions of Americans who would rather ingest horse dewormer than get vaccinated. “I’m delighted with my horse dewormer,” sa...
  • Are You Married to Your Narrative?
    01 Sep 2021 • 2 min read • 2 0
    Are you married to your own narrative? Is it your story and you’re sticking to it? I have great news! As of midnight, last night, you can marry whatever bullshit story you believe. Vampires are real, ...
  • Wanted-Middle School Teacher Who Speaks Meme and Acronym
    25 Aug 2021 • 1 min read • 2 0
    Wanted. Middle school teacher who ain’t hung up on grammar. Don’t apply if one of your favorite books is Eats Shoots and Leaves. Don’t apply if you fancy yourself ‘a grammarian.’ Don’t apply if you vo...
  • United Asks Flight Attendants Not to Tape Passengers to Seats
    24 Aug 2021 • 3 min read
    I did it! I got duct-taped to an airplane seat on my Frontier flight! My dominatrix is so proud. I wasn’t sure I was brave enough or offensive enough to get the old duct tape subduer, but who’s the ma...
  • This Item Sucks. I Give It Five Stars
    16 Aug 2021 • 2 min read • 1 0
    Amazon reviews are like the voices in my head. I only pay attention to the bad ones. Say I want a patio umbrella. I find one on Amazon with 4,789 reviews with 4 1/2 stars. Wow, I say to myself. I foun...
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