The Idiot Report

Ben Jenkins
Short fiction, short non-fiction - hand delivered to you, a legend.
Created 02 Sep 2019
27
Posts
396
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29
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9
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  • The Debris Shovellers
    20 Aug 2021 • 9 min read
    Title illustration by Simon Greiner Here’s something I think about a lot. There’s a job, which a person can have, and the only significant task this job asks of that person is to have opinions on virt...
  • I’m At The Pub
    07 Aug 2021 • 2 min read
    I’m at the pub. It’s winter but it’s warm here outside at the pub. There’s music being piped out of some mounted speakers above a table nearby. Is it Michael Franti that’s playing? God I haven’t heard...
  • A Fish and a Whistle
    27 Jul 2021 • 4 min read
    First of all, I don’t think I’ve ever thanked any of you for subscribing to this newsletter. It means a lot to me that people take the time to read this stuff, given all the other things they could be...
  • What This Feeling Is
    02 Jul 2021 • 4 min read
    In the past few years, a lot of people have been struggling to articulate a certain type of malaise. Is it anxiety? Well, maybe. It’s anxiety-shaped. Is it our old friend depression? Could be! But the...
  • Mrs. Ranevsky And The End of Everything
    21 Jun 2021 • 4 min read
    I’ve been thinking a lot about two things in the past couple of days: Chekhov’s The Cherry Orchard and the end of the world. I’ve been thinking about the play because I recently saw an adaptation of i...
  • All The Ruckus
    02 Jun 2021 • 11 min read
    Hello! Sorry I haven’t sent something out in a while. Here’s a short story I’ve been playing around with for a little bit. I think it’s a short story, at least. Might be the first bit of something lon...
  • For Whatever That's Worth
    24 Jan 2021 • 22 min read • 8 0
    Mal Miller and Jerry Whitely have been at the bar on Ludlow for a few hours now. Aside from a couple of guys playing pool and the bartender, they have the whole place to themselves. “What I’m — what I...
  • Portico
    22 Oct 2020 • 14 min read • 16 0
    PARTIAL TRANSCRIPT FROM THE PORTICO HEARINGS 7.7.21 PRESENT: DR MILTON POOLE (CHAIR), LISA NGAN (SEN - D), JAMES GERHARDY (SEN - R), OLIVIA SMYTHE (STENOGRAPHER), DR REUBEN FAIRCHILD CHAIR: [inaudible...
  • A Comically Unfortunate Typo
    12 Oct 2020 • < 1 min read • 6 2
    Something like this was bound to happen. In the edition that just went out, the passage: But still, less for count nouns (coins, pants, cars), fewer for mass nouns (water, honey, heartbreak), is basic...
  • Actually,
    12 Oct 2020 • 6 min read • 10 2
    I have a friend called Tiger whose job, at least in part, is handling all the language complaints for the national broadcaster. If someone hears a word on Radio National pronounced in a way they deem ...
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