Yesterday's Horoscope

Yesterday's Horoscope
Scathing advice to a singular Virgo about the week that's already happened.
Created 08 Feb 2021
  • Sugared Up & Unreliable
    03 May 2022 3 2
    Week of April 26th to May 2nd, 2022. You don’t eat sugar very often, Virgo; but when you do, you become a zealot for the stuff. Let the people know! You read somewhere (as usual, you don’t remember wh...
  • Pattern Paranoia
    26 Apr 2022 5 0
    Week of April 19th to April 25th, 2022. You are prone to interpreting a smattering of likely unconnected events as part of a larger pattern; like some sort of message from the beyond. (Since I deliver...
  • You Are What You Read
    19 Apr 2022 5 2
    Week of April 12th to April 18th, 2022 Your brain is a sponge, Virgo. I don’t mean that in a positive way, just so you know. Across time people have uttered the very same sentence to describe positive...
  • Springtime Sadness
    12 Apr 2022 6 0
    Week of April 5th to April 11th, 2022. The Springtime makes you sad, Virgo. It always has; even as a little girl you couldn’t handle this particular changing of the seasons. Despite Spring being a dec...
  • Depleted and Repeated
    05 Apr 2022 6 0
    Week of March 29th to April 4th, 2022. You don’t have very much social stamina, Virgo. You used to be a shrieking social butterfly (‘shrieking' is not a specific breed of butterfly; I’m simply pointin...
  • Your Ativan, Your Beans
    29 Mar 2022 5 2
    Week of March 22nd, to March 28th, 2022. You are a pretty forgetful person, Virgo. Not about everything, just about important things—you grip tightly to gratuitous details (she still remembers her 3rd...
  • Adrien NO-dy
    22 Mar 2022 5 0
    First off! There’s a substack reader app that is actually quite pleasant in my opinion (the skies have yet to weigh in). Believe me, if I had any idea how to link you to the app store to download it, ...
  • Mathematicians and Thieves
    16 Mar 2022 4 2
    Week of March 8th to March 14th, 2022. You’ve always been a bit slippery with money, Virgo. When it comes to your finances, you are prone to magical thinking. You spent so many years riding the financ...
  • Duress & Pests
    09 Mar 2022 5 0
    Week of March 1st to March 7th, 2022. Cosmically speaking, all of March is a Wednesday. It’s a month full of budding hopes that are eventually thwarted by persistent bleakness. At the close of each wi...
  • Rapunzel Had No Sadness
    02 Mar 2022 4 0
    Week of February 22nd to February 28th, 2022. The skies don’t possess any hair of our own, but many millennia filled with careful observation of the world below have pretty much given us the gist of i...
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